Tumblr is the one place on the web where I can actually say what I want and feel - which most of the time isn’t good. But, frankly, is not really like you guys give a shit either. Though, I guess that’s not really your job.
The way I feel, I don’t think I’ll make it to Halloween, which is a shame, because it’s the only thing I’ve been looking forward to for months.
I’m pretty fucked up, guys. I’ve attempted suicide multiple times before and have always been spared. Times life this, I keep wondering, “Why?” Am I just supposed to be miserable forever?
I’m getting that feeling again, truthfully. And it’s not like I can tell anyone.
I know you guys come to my blog for weed. There’s a reason I smoke. Most would have you believe that weed has no medicinal benefits whatsoever. That’s not true. I smoke because of depression and having struggled with anorexia in my past (and even now - it never really goes away). I smoke because it keeps me from feeling like this, like I want to die and not be here anymore, like everything is spinning out of control and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I’ve been suffering a major drought of marijuana lately. I haven’t really smoked in over two months. I’ve been in hostile and unhealthy situations for nearly the whole year and nothing I do seems to be working. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m backsliding into unhealthy thought patterns and habits. I’m mentally, spiritually, and emotionally sick. No one gets it because no one can see it. And no matter who I try to explain it to, it’s ignored and brushed off. I hate feeling like this.
I don’t just smoke weed cuz I like to (although, that’s part of the reason). I smoke to stay alive. If it weren’t for ganja, I’d have been dead years ago.
Alright, stop, collaborate and listen
nothing will fuck you up as much as the realization that there’s no real reason the alphabet needs to be in order
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Why do I have “Ice, Ice, Baby” stuck in my head?